Taking a Big Leap
Welcome to my new blog! If you've been around in my life for a while, you know that this isn't the first one I've started. I started out with "The Song of Esther" and moved onto "The Lights are Still On," but neither one of those were really me. "The Song of Esther" was me trying really really hard to be the picture perfect Christian college girl, and it evolved into "The Lights are Still On," which was more of me trying to figure out who I was while still being PG for the public. I tried really hard to commit to writing for those, but they became more of rant places and easy "how-to" lists to avoid actually getting into the nitty gritty of who I am and what my life looks like. I was never able to get past two consistent weeks of writing, and when I did write, it always felt forced and not like I should write just because I want to.
Writing is something I am extremely passionate about. I want to write a book series. I want to eventually put all of my poems into a book. I want to write a consistent and successful blog. I would love to be an editor. These are all goals of mine, but if I'm being really transparent, this career of mine has had such a slow start and it's so frustrating, like to the point I've just wanted to give up.
However, my husband Ryan has been patiently listening to me go through ideas and creative projects, and when I asked him if I should create a brand for my blog, he was all for it. I can tell you that having someone 100% in your corner supporting you throughout your failed projects and encouraging you to go bigger and try harder is a massive game changer. Now don't get me wrong, I definitely exhausted him today by constantly showing him the new pages while he was playing Fallout, but I know that he's for me and believes in me more than anyone.
Here's one of my issues: I have a really bad habit of procrastinating and especially with being in quarantine right now, my motivation to do literally anything productive is absolutely zero.
That being said, something I've learned about myself is I work really well if there are obvious consequences, rewards, or if I'm personally investing into it. A great example of this is last year, I lost 40lbs over a time period of six months by committing to the keto diet and going to Jazzercise everyday. The only reason I was able to give up carbs and sweets that long is because I got married in December and had the huge incentive to look great in my wedding pictures (ps. I did). As soon as the incentive was gone, I went back to eating terribly with no regard for my health.
So I decided to go all in for this blog: I got a subscription on Canva so I could create my color palette and my logo, I bought my domain website, I created a separate Instagram and Facebook just for this. I feel like I'm creating my brand, which already feels so much different than just having a blogspot that I occasionally update. My incentive this time around is the fact that this if I don't commit to this now, I don't know if I ever will.
This website is going to have every aspect of me on it: the bartender, the wife, the cat mom, the baker, the writer, the Christian, the millennial, the makeup artist, the depressed, anxious, lazy, hard-working, creative, etc. Everything about me, you'll be able to find within this website (eventually). I want to create a place where millennials like me, regardless of gender or sexuality, can connect with each other over our shared experiences and where I can share who I am with the world. It might not always be pretty, but I promise, it will always be real.
Take a drink for the failed projects and toast to the new ones.